Author : Maman Maama Category : Romance
ka zubar. Sai menene kake so kuma?"
Ya kara makalkale jikina kamar zai saka ni ciki "sai ke nake so, kin san ke nake so, ke ce maganin da zan sha in warke" na dauke kaina gefe zuciyata tana raya min ko haka yace da Mammy itama a lokacin da suke tare?
Na fara kokarin ture shi. "Ka daga ni Malam, ai kayi alkawarin sai nace ina so da kaina tukunna, ni kuma yanzu bana so, kuma kayi alkawari" yace a hankali can cikin kunne na "na karya alkawarin to yanzu. I can't. I thought I can but I can't. Just say yes mana, menene abin wahala a ciki. Just say you want me. Just say you want this" na saka hannu na ture bakinsa daga kusa da kunne na nace "I don't want you and I don't want this" ya kara marairaice wa "to ni kuma fa? What will you have me do? A ina zan samu in ba gurin ki ba?" Nace "oho maka. Karin aure is an option da Allah ya baka nima kuma na jima da baka" yace "yes, and begging you is another option da nake da shi. So please, if you really don't want to say yes just don't say no please"
Na rintse idona da karfi trying so hard not to picture him and Mammy together, a lokacin da ya hade bakinsa da nawa.
Kwanaki da yawa bayan nan, lokacin na fara tura maganar bayan mind dina, na fara kokarin dawo mana da normal rayuwar mu duk da ni nasan a zuciyata ba zata taba dawowa normal ba, ranar nan muna gida gabakidayan mu, ina falo tare da yara Umar kuma yana daki yana bacci, sai muka yi baƙi, naji knocking din su na je na bude musu kofa sai naga mata ne su uku, babbar mace guda daya da yammata biyu masu kama da juna, nayi musu maraba sannan na shigo da su ciki suka zauna muka gaisa ina ta binsu da kallon rashin fahimta sai babbar macen ta ce min "baki gane mu ba ko?" Na dan yi murmushi, feeling uncomfortable nace "gaskiya kam. Ban gane ku ba" sai tace "Faruq yana gida? Hajiya Mariya ce ta turo mu" (Mama) na fadada murmushi na nace "ohh okay. Yana nan. Bara a yi masa magana" sai na tashi naje dakin sa na tashe shi "baki ne suka zo, ina jin yan uwan Mama ne" ya yamutsa fuska kamar mai shirin yi min shagwaba. "Just attend to them please ni bacci nake yi" na ja kafarsa "wallahi ka tashi, ai naje gurin nasu amma suka ce in kira ka" ya janye kafar sa sannan ya matsa inda hannuna ba zai kai ba ya kuma dora pillow akan fuskarsa "tell them bana gida" na hawo kan gadon na haye samansa na dauke pillow din tare da dukansa da pillown a both sides dinsa "na gaya musu kana nan ai, so kake in zama makaryaciya? Ka tashi please kaga kar su ce anyi musu wulakanci" ya bude idon da yake cike da bacci yana bubbuga kafa, da gaske shagwaba yake min "ni wallahi bacci nake ji, ki ce musu bana jin dadi ko kice nayi disappearing" nayi dariya sannan nayi masa chakulkuli a sides dinsa "wallahi ba zan yi karya ba. Ka tashi ko kuma in je in ce musu kace ba zaka zo ba"
Ya fara kokarin rike hannayena ni kuma na hana shi har sai da naga ya ware yanata kyalkyala dariya sannan na rabu dashi tare da sauka daga kan gadon da sauri dan nasan in ya kama ni sai ya rama kuma zamu bar baki suna jira. Nayi hanyar kofa da sauri na fita a lokacin da yake saukowa daga gadon, ina komawa na wuce kitchen na kawo musu drinks da doughnuts din da nayi jiya da dare, sai kuma na dauko fruits na yayyanka musu duk na hado muka kawo musu tare da Yasmin, na tarar yammatan sun dauki Asad yana ta musu surutu da gwarancin sa su kuma suna dariya. Matar tayi min godiya sai na samu guri na zauna.
Jimawa kadan Umar ya fito, ya saka kaya amma fuskarsa da alamar bacci a tare da ita, farko shima kamar bai gane su ba sai kuma naga yayi murmushi. "Yaya Amina? Dama kin san hanyar gidan nan?" Tayi dariya "Doctor Umar kenan, kai ma ai bana jin kasan hanyar gida na, rabon kada can tun kana zuwa zance" suka yi dariya tare yace "bayan kin hana ni kanwar taki" tace "bayan ka ki auren kanwata dai" suka kuma dariya sannan ya juyo yana kallona sannan yayi murmushi yace "baki san ta ba ko?" Na gyada kaina yace "yayar Hafsat ce, can nake zuwa zance gidan ta shine take yi min gori" na gyada kaina cikin gamsuwa, na tuno Hafsat yarinyar da Mama taso hada su da Umar, second cousins suke da Umar din, so wannan matar ma second cousin dinsa ce kenan, su kuma yammatan maybe yayanta ne ko kuma suma kannen hafsan ne.
Kamar mai amsa min tambayata sai naji yace "ba dai twins ne suka girma haka ba?" Suka kalli juna suka yi murmushi, ya bude baki cikin mamaki "seriously, sanda nake zuwa gidan basu fi Yasmin ba" babbar matar tayi dariya "a'a sun fi Yasmin mana, kai dai kawai ka manta. Gasu nan har sun shiga jami'a"
Ya gyara zama "wow. Lallai tsufa ya kama ni ban sani ba" ya juyo min fuskar sa "taya ni dubawa ko akwai furfura" yammatan suka yi dariya.
Sai babbar matar tace "dama na kawo su makaranta ne, nan BUK suka samu, munje sunyi registration shine mukayi waya da hajiyan ku tace ai gidan ka babu nisa sosai, ita tayi mana kwatance tace mu zo mu huta"
Nace "gaskiya kun kyauta, ko babu komai ai anyi zumunci"
Sun dan jima a gidan, har na gama girki muka ci tare sannan suka yi min sallama tare da godiya Umar ya mayar da su gida.
A week after that sai gashi ya dawo tare da yammatan a motarsa har da akwatinan kayan su, suka shigo na bisu da kallo kawai sai yace su shigar da kayan su dakin yara sannan ya kama hannuna zuwa kitchen "ina office Mama ta kira ni, ina zuwa gida sai tace ga Hassana da Usaina nan zasu dawo gidan nan da zama wai gidan su yayi nisa sosai da school ba zasu iya zirga zirga ba. So zasu zauna anan for the mean time, kafin a san me za'a yi akai"
Na fara girgiza kaina ina ja da baya, ya bini ya riko hannu na "Jidda please, Mama ce tace su zauna, we can't say no to her kin sani, just for the mean time maybe for this semester kadai. Iyayen su ne suka tambayi Mama ita kuma ta amsa musu ba zamu iya cewa a'a ba kin sani" na dafe kaina, I had no problem with the girls and with zaman su tare da mu, zama su debe min kewa ne dan I did get lonely sometimes musamman idan aiki ya chunkushe wa Umar, but still.........
Na dafe kaina da hannuna ina kokarin tunanin abinda ya kamata inyi, all I wanted to do was say no amma kuma bani da kwarin guiwar fadin hakan a lokacin kuma bana jin no din nawa will mean anything tunda na tabbatar ba zai ki bin maganar Mama ba akan tawa, I will just be putting him in a difficult situation, na shafa fuskata ya sake matsowa "please just say yes, na san baki ji dadi ba ya kamata a gaya miki tun kafin su zo amma ni ma ban san zasu zo din ba sai yanzu, ba zan iya ce mata no ba kin sani nima kar ki ce min no dan Allah"
Na rufe ido na ina kokarin clearing kaina sannan na gyada kai "okay, su zauna din babu komai. It is okay"
Yayi ajjiyar zuciya sannan ya rungume ni "thank you Baby, I was so scared that you will say no" na danyi dariya, trying to lighten up the situation sannan na ja kunnen sa "ban taba ganin namiji mai tsoro ba irin ka" ya rike kunnen yana bata rai "ban taba ganin matar da take takurawa kunnen mijinta ba irin ki"
Lafiya lau muka zauna da twins din nan, sam basu da matsala kullum zasu shirya su tafi school basa dawowa ma some times sai after six, da weekend kuma sai suje gida suyi weekend sai monday sai su dawo. Matsala daya ita ce zuciyata ta kasa sakewa, musamman daga baya da suka tsiri bin Umar in zai fita suce ya ajiye su a school, ko kuma ma in ba fita zaiyi ba in dai yana gida sai sun roke shi ya kai su, wani lokacin kuma ina gida zan ga sun dawo tare sai yace kiran sa sukayi suka ce in zai shigo ya biya ya dauko su. Gasu irin yan gayun nan be masu kyalliya, typical jambites.
A gidan ma kuma in dai zasu ganshi a zaune sai sun zo, auncle Umar this, auncle Umar that. Ban sani ba ko kishi ne, saboda tabbas nasan ina kishin mijina, ko kuma I was being cautious, sai naji hankali na yaki kwanciya da hakan, duk sanda suka tafi tare sai naji part of me ya tafi dasu, duk sanda suka dawo tare musamman in tare da daya suka dawo babu dayar sai inji duk zargi ya shiga zuciyata. And one day na tattaro courage dina nayi wa Umar maganar.
Da dare ne bayan na gama bashi kulawa ta ina kwance a kirjinsa shi kuma yana shafa bayana a hankali, na jima ina ta tsara yadda zanyi masa maganar, sai da naga alamar bacci yake neman yi sannan nace "Doctor" idonsa a rufe yace "uhmm?" Nace "ina son muyi magana"
Ya tsaya da shafa bayana da yake yi amma bai ce komai ba, nima kuma sai nayi shiru, sai ya bude idonsa ya dago fuskata yana kallon cikin idona yace "fadi abinda yake ranki" na cire idona daga cikin nasa "akan yaran nan ne, gaskiya ni bana son zamansu a gidan nan, kaga......" Yace " I thought mun gama magana da ke, akwai wani problem ne da suke da shi?" Na girgiza kaina "basu da matsala ni ce mai matsalar, ka ga dai yammata ne, kyawawa, kasan kuwa halin da muke ciki ni da kai a gidan nan, hankali na baya kwanciya idan na ganka tare da su ko naga kun fita tare ko kun dawo tare"
Ya ture ni daga jikinsa sannan ya mike zaune "damn it Jidda. Kina nufin kina zargina da wadannan yan mitsimitsin yaran?" Na tashi zaune nima, a raina ina jin haushin ture nin da yayi nace "ba zargin ka dasu nake yi ba, ina tsoron kar in fara zargin naka dasu ne, maganin kar ayi hausawa sukace kar a fara, kai kasan matsalar ka nima nasani, yaran nan are young, beautiful and tempting, kai nake jiye wa matsala ba ni ba, kar azo nan gaba ana wallahi tallahi"
Ya zuciyo "wato duk abinda nake gaya miki kullum na cewa na daina, duk kokarin da nake yi dan ki fahimci na daina din amma wannan abin ke har yanzu yana ranki ko? Duk kokarin da nake yi dan in samu trust din ki amma kin rufe zuciyar ki kin goga min bakin fenti a ranki ba kya ta ba kallona da wani abu in ba wancan ba, I don't believe this! Me kike so ne inyi wanda zai saka ki dawo kin yarda dani ne wai Jidda, ki gaya min, me zanyi for you to trust me again"
Sai na debi kayana na saka, na juya masa bayana gyara kwanciya ta, "ni dai abinda yake raina na gaya maka, kai kuma sai ka dauki matakin da kake ganin ya dace"
Ina jin sa shima ya kwanta, sannan yayi ta jera tsaki, ni dai har nayi bacci yana faman juyi. Da safe ya tashi da fushi yana amsa magana ciki ciki, ni dai nayi masa duk abinda zanyi masa amma ban bashi hakuri ba tunda ni a iyakacin sanina ban yi masa laifi ba, yana gama breakfast ya dauki Yasmin suka fita, ina lura da twins suna ta sauri zasu bishi amma sai jin tashin motarsa suka yi, naga alamar sunji haushin hakan sai na wayance da yi musu dariyar yau babansu ya manta da su
Ban kuma ganin ya fita da su ba kuma ban kuma ganin sun dawo tare ba, kwanaki kadan bayan nan kuma sai gashi ya zo yana gaya musu wai ya sa an samar musu hostel a cikin makaranta "kun ga kun huta da zirga zirga kullum, kuma zaku fi yin karatu a can" fuskokin su duk suka nuna rashin jin dadin haka, daga alama sunfi son nan din amma sai ya tashi ya shiga ciki. Na bishi na tarar dashi yana shirin shiga wanka na tsaya ina kallon sa sai yace "I hope you are happy now, you stubborn stubborn woman" ban ce komai ba sai ya taho gaba na tare da saka hannu a baya na ya zuge min zip din riga "azo a taya ni wanka" yace yana murmushi.
I felt guilty for what I did, duk da cewa 80% na zuciya ta yana gaya min cewa abinda nayi dai-dai ne, kamar yadda nace, maganin kar ayi to kar a fara. Sai kuma nayi tunanin maybe dan na saka maganar sosai a raina shi yasa na kasa cire zargi da damuwa daga raina. Watakila ma ya daina din, ni ce kawai na kasa barin zuciyata ta yarda cewa ya daina din, cos wannan maganar kullum da ita nake wuni da ita nake kwana no matter how much I try na kasa cire ta daga raina, in dai yayi late bai dawo ba sai nayi tunanin me yatsayar da shi, in dai na kira shi bai dauka ba sai nayi tunanin me yasa bai dauka ba, in dai aka kira shi a waya yaki dauka ko yayi rejecting sai nayi tunanin menene dalili? Waye yake kiransa?
And I thought rashin aikin yi yana daya daga cikin abinda yake saka ni nake over thinking, maybe if I am to get busy, wasu abubuwan ma in yayi ba zan lura ba ballantana in damu, sai na fara tunanin ya kamata in fara aiki, tunda dama sanda na gama makaranta cikin Asad ne ya saka ban nemi aikin ba yanzu kuwa Asad ya bawa shekaru biyu baya, bayan haka ma kuma ina bukatar kudi nima ba wai dan Umar ya gaza yi min wani abu ba sai dan nima ina da personal bukatu na kamar taimakawa mahaifiya ta da yan'uwa na, kamar gudunmawar biki in ya tashi a dangi na ko nasa, ko yin kyauta haka ga wani a duk lokacin da nayi niyya ba sai na tsaya ina tambayar Umar ba.
Sai na samu Umar nayi masa maganar, a raina ina doubting yadda zai karbi maganar tunda dai namiji ba shi da tabbas, duk da shi ya tsaya min nayi karatun zai iya cewa ba zan yi aikin ba kuma. Amma sai naga ya karbi maganar "babu komai insha Allah, in na fita zan fara following maganar in ji yadda za'a yi. It is about time da ya kamata kema ki fara aiki, tun kafin wani babyn ya zo" ya karasa fada yana langwabe kai, na san abinda yake nufi, kusan kullum sai yayi min nacin wai in cire masa bondage din dana saka masa, wai ya gaji, so yake mu daina using condom, claiming cewa yana takura masa kuma Asad wai yana bukatar kanne, ni kuma nayi kunnen uwar shegu da maganar ko yayi kamar ya manta sai na dauko na saka masa da kaina, in kuwa ya bari ya kare bai siyo ba to ya tabbatar ba zai shiga daga ciki ba.
A lokacin ma ni ba std nafi tsoro ba, haihuwa nafi tsoro, cos the more yaya da muka haifa da Umar the more bounded I will be to him, and the harder it will be for me to get away from him in case ya kara maimaita halayyar sa.
Cikin abinda yake kasa da wata uku Umar ya samo min aiki a asibitin da yake aiki, babu bata lokaci kuma na fara zuwa. Na fahimci dalilin da yasa ya dage sai in da yake zanyi aiki saboda tsananin kishin sa, saboda yana so ya saka min ido kuma ya saka din, kullum sai yayi maganar baya so in ke kula wane ko yayi ta tambaya ta yau waye da duty a ward din mu kuma me yace min nima mai nace masa, yayi ta cancelling mutane daga list din wadanda yake so inke yiwa magana kamar yayi lokacin da nake karatu, ni kuwa babu abinda ya dame ni tunda na tabbatar da cewa I have nothing to hide.
Babban kalubalen dana fuskanta da farko shine inda zan ke ajiye Asad, da farko munyi lissafin za'a saka shi a daycare din makarantar su Yasmin sai kuma muka ga already shekarun sa sun kusa kaiwa ya shiga pre nursery musamman tunda yana da baki, sannan kuma ga session din ya kusa karewa, so it will be a waste of money mu saka shi yanzu gwara mu bari in za'a shiga sabon session sai a shiga da shi. Sai kawai muka yanke cewa zan ke fita dashi ina ajiye shi a gidan mu gurin Umma in na dawo sai in dauko shi mu taho, to wani lokacin kuma evening ne da ni sannan Yasmin ita ma ta dawo daga school amma kuma zata je islamiyya, sai in rasa yadda zanyi, daga baya sai nake tafiya dasu duk su biyun in ina evening din sai in ajiye su a gida baki daya, amma kuma hakan yana nufin Yasmin zata ke missing islamic school dinta duk ranar da nake evening, sai Umar ya samo musu malamin islamiyya yake yi musu a gida da weekend, but duk da haka bana jin dadin abin.
Sai dai kuma ina fara aikin naji ba zan iya hakura da shi ba gaskiya. Naji duk wasu problems
